Longing for Love Day 5; Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Psalm 139:14 says “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made,
Your works are wonderful
I know that full well.”

Something must be wrong because I just can’t seem to make this stick
If I told you I believed this every second of every day
I would be lying
If I told you I believed this the majority of the time
I would be lying
But if I told you this sometimes
I just struggle with these words
I would be telling you the absolute truth
Mirror Mirror on the wall, that’s the fairest of them all
Not me

And sometimes my mind beats hard with these fatalistic thoughts
The idea that I could be beautiful was a foreign concept
In fact, the very idea of it made me cringe
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made
I’d believe this…but then I would be attempting to accept a reality I didn’t believe was my own
so I clung to my own negativity because I found warmth in these fabricated ideas of appearance
if I was skinny or maybe if I was lighter
 sometimes I just felt like these distorted thoughts would never stop choking me

Even those rare precious moments where I caught the attention of a gentlemen
And he happened to slip the  (B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L) 9-letter word
All I could keep telling myself is, "He’s just lying to me"
how could I be everything he says he sees in me
when mirror reflections of repulsive stare back at me
so the idea that they're all the same
or they just want to play games consumed me
and yet those sweet nothings that he whispered to me seem to contradict my own sanity

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made
But it’s so much easier to say than to actually live that way
To post on Facebook statuses and tell the girl to your side she is exactly what you wont believe for yourself
See, I used to think that big girls couldn’t be cute
That cute was for the dainty
The small pixie like girls who practically dance when they walk
And the attention of all the talk was them
And so I thought if I didn’t have so much curve maybe if my thighs didn’t rub because that’s not attractive
Or if my arms didn’t do that swinging thing every freaking time I moved them
Slowly I had to learn
That despite what the media shoved down our sensitive throats
Curves
Are
Beautiful
Everyone somewhere has beauty tucked within them weather its coated in lies that you feed yourself
Or sucked between the negatives verbalities that are daily thrown at you

I just have to say this, is to all the women who don’t think they're beautiful
Whether it be because you’re thick
Or you’re thin
Or your hair is blonde or brown

I’ve been there
Sometimes I’m still there
But instead of my prayers being, "God, if you could just…"
I turn these adjustments into assertions

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made
And one day these words will be my anthem
Ringing out every false thought

Because one day you will send me a man consumed with the flow of my words
And the depth of my passions
And not the sway of my hips
Or the way I move my lips
And even before then I will be convinced that I am beautiful
And I will know without a doubt and believe without question
With every bone and every curve
That I am beautiful

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made,
Your works are wonderful
I know that full well.”
Psalm 139:14


{photo: @allglorytojesus}


About the Author

Arielle Estoria is a passionate spoken word artist, author, and blogger. You can find what she's up to on Instagram by clicking here, or on her blog site, Chronicles of a Lioness, by clicking here.



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