Redemption is Within Your Reach; Filled & Free Day 1

Monday, September 28, 2015

A plate of food before me was being in the line of fire. Walking into a restaurant was entering the battlefield. It began with an accumulation of thoughts that told me I was worthless and I could never just enjoy a plate of food. Somewhere between holding a conversation before our meals arrived, the thoughts condemned me for ordering what I did because it would add on to my weight. Then the thoughts condemned me for looking the way I did and it reasoned that because of how I looked, I would never be worthy of love from anybody. I looked to other girls who were skinnier and began to compare myself to them. I realized I didn’t have their smaller frame and skinner legs, therefore I was ugly. 

I started to live in this mindset when I was sixteen years old. I believed being skinny was beautiful and until I attained a certain weight and embodied the world’s standard of beauty, I was worthless and had no value. This lie was the bait the enemy used to lure me in to striving for the perfect body and I was hooked to the idea of doing anything possible to attain perfection. 

Eventually, I found myself years into struggling with an eating disorder and I denied I ever had a problem. I spent years denying it to anybody who confronted me and believed that I was an expert in hiding it from everybody. I spent years convincing people I had my life together, but I was really hurting inside. I would calculate every calorie I consumed and if I went over, I would blame myself. Jesus was never out of the picture, though. With every day that passed, I felt Him knocking on my heart to surrender my disorder into His hands. He always provided a way out, but I was too afraid and ashamed of how my friends and family would perceive me. There were nights I would find myself curled up on my bathroom floor, weeping and begging for God to take it away and there were days where I felt I could relinquish control. And even on the "good days", I went right back to living this sin. Eventually my eating disorder became a lifestyle and I began to mentally, emotionally and physically deteriorate. I hit rock bottom and the only way to look from that point was up.

Colossians 3:3 says, “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” God showed me my eating disorder was crucified on the cross with Him, along with all the lies the enemy made me believe about my weight and physical appearance. 

The enemy will always make you hide your sin, but God chooses to expose your sin for the sake of healing. 

I realized the only way I could expose of it was to do what James 5:16 says: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." 

God gave me the courage to openly talk about my bulimia with others and, slowly and surely, the condemning thoughts stopped and the healing started the moment I started to replace them with God’s word. The more I began to share my story, the more I gained the strength to fight the urge against sin. 

While sin seeks to destroy every nook and cranny of your life, Jesus comes to restore and rebuild. 

This rebuilding can pave a way for you to seek and look more like Jesus. The world’s standard of beauty pressured me to work for a better body, but God’s word teaches me to rest in his grace.

We live in a society where thinness is associated with success and happiness and our value as a person is determined by how we look. I want to debunk that lie and encourage you to look to the One who says you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 134:14), who rejoices over you with gladness (Zephaniah 3:17), and who calls you victorious (Romans 8:37).  

No matter how long you have been struggling, you can never sink down so low not even rock bottom for God to lift you up from the pits of shame and redeem you. So let’s be redeemed women and ask God to help us put an end to the lies. Rise up daughters of the most high and begin to reclaim the joy and the abundant life Jesus offers. 

You don’t have to fight your battles on your own, you have an almighty God who has already won the fight. Rebuke any lie that tells you that you are not enough and have to work at being perfect because you have a Heavenly Father who treasures you and loves you just the way you are.

{photo: @thisverygarden}

About the Author

Ivancka Sinha grew up all around the world but calls Birmingham home. She has a servant heart and believes in pouring into others for the sake of people finding their identity in Christ. The Woodlawn community has a special place in her heart and loves to serve the people of that community through small groups and community outreaches. When she's not serving, she enjoys spending time with friends, laughing at puns, exploring the outdoors, and anything that involves food. 


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