When Obedience Is Costly: Trusting God When Life Breaks Your Heart

My welcome to parenthood was not at all what I expected.

If I’m being honest, it felt more like a bitter greeting than a warm welcome.

My daughter, Selah, was born with multiple congenital heart defects that would require four open-heart surgeries within the first three months of her life.

A Birth Marked by Fear and Urgency

When she was crowning, I had a room full of medical professionals waiting to rush her to the NICU. I had one minute of skin-to-skin before my husband followed our medical team and I was left behind to deliver the afterbirth.

I can still remember someone saying, “She’s got about fifteen seconds left.”

November 6, 2021, was one of the best days of my life because my baby girl had finally arrived. But it was also one of the worst, because it marked the beginning of a season of suffering I had never known.

There are no words that can adequately express the pain of walking through something like this. The fear of not knowing if your baby will live to see tomorrow. The helplessness of watching her fight while you can do nothing but wait.

Living in the Space Between Hope and Heartbreak

This season was filled with bursts of good news that could be, and often were, quickly followed by bad news. It felt as if every day carried the same cruel rhythm, and my heart simply could not bear it.

I was not sleeping. I was healing postpartum on uncomfortable hospital furniture. I had no appetite but was terrified of losing my milk supply because it was the one thing I knew I could do to help her little body fight.

I lived with the constant fear that losing my baby could occur at any moment.

But God Sustained

But God sustained.

This was a dark and weighty season, and I can tell you with certainty that none of it was wasted.

The Lord did an incredible work in my heart, and in the heart of my now four-year-old as well.

When everything felt out of control, He remained faithful. When my strength was gone, His never was.

My Obedience Is Not Contingent on My Circumstances

My soul felt like a pit of darkness. My delight tank was empty. And yet, the Lord was still worthy of my trust and obedience.

Following Christ does not come with a promise of ease, comfort, or predictability. It comes with the promise of His presence.

In our suffering, He is good. In our uncertainty, He is faithful. In our heartbreak, He is near.

Joy Is a Choice

When I cried out to the Lord and asked Him to help me see joy, He answered.

I began to notice the small mercies within hospital walls. The way Selah and I made eye contact. The kindness of the nurses and doctors who cared for us so tenderly. The countless reminders that we were being held in prayer.

In the middle of suffering, God was still giving me reasons to smile.

Not because the situation was easy or the pain was gone.

But because He was present.

God Is on the Throne

The most comforting promise is that we serve the God of all creation. Nothing and noone can thwart His mighty hand!

He is the One who reigns over every heartbeat; the One who holds tomorrow; the One who writes every story with purpose; and the One who will return and make all things new.

Nothing escapes His sovereign hand.

Not one tear. Not one prayer. Not one moment of suffering.

A Hope That Carries Us Home

We may not understand on this side of heaven why things unfold the way they do. But we can rest assured that the Lord will use it all for His glory and our good, and we can find comfort in the eternal security that is ours in Christ forevermore.

I remember praying and asking the Lord for Selah to have the chance to feel the wind in her hair and hear the birds in melodic harmony. She now gets to experience this every single day. You would never know by looking at her the miraculous work God has done in her life! She has lived to tell of the goodness of our great God, and I now get to stand alongside her and do the same.

No matter where we find ourselves, we can rejoice knowing that death no longer has the final say, and a day is coming when sin, sickness, death, pain, and heartbreak will be no more. Only joy will remain and abound!

Until that day, may we cling to hope and fix our eyes on the mighty God who sustains us.

For He surely will.

Meet the Author
Elle Cardel

Elle is a sinner saved by God’s grace. She lives in Tennessee with her husband, Michael, and their two little loves, Selah (4) and Aidan (1). Elle is the founder of Daughter of Delight and the author of She Delights and its accompanying Bible study, which you can find here.

With a degree in biblical theology, Elle is passionate about helping women grow in their love for God’s Word through the Daughter of Delight podcast (currently on an extended break but there are so many episodes to enjoy in the meantime here), daily devotionals, and free biblical resources (find those here).