Daughter Dilemmas: A Faith-Based Ask Column for Women with Hard Questions

Daughter Dilemmas

Jul 10

Welcome to Daughter Dilemmas—a weekly ask column where we lean into the hard, the messy, and even the awkward questions of faith and life, together.

I believe that asking tough questions is not something to shy away from—it’s something to honor. Discomfort shouldn’t disqualify a question. In fact, it’s often in the asking that we discover we’re not alone, that others are wrestling with the very same things. These honest conversations create space for connection, clarity, and Spirit-led perspective we might not have encountered otherwise.

✨ Please note: I am not a therapist, doctor, or life coach. My prayerfully considered shared responses are not meant to provide quick fixes or surface-level advice. Rather, they are intended to be a starting point to the conversation and truths that are anchored in the Gospel so that Christ would be magnified above all.

It is my deepest prayer that Daughter Dilemmas glorifies God and strengthens His people. May these conversations remind you that your questions are welcome, your heart is seen, and Jesus is always near. And may they gently guide you deeper into His loving arms.

To submit a question anonymously, click here. Let’s keep asking the hard things—because asking is often the first step toward healing and hope.

There’s a guy I like. We have known each other for a while now. We have crossed boundaries before, but I’m trying not to fall again. He grew up in the church but isn’t walking with God as I am. He says eventually he will start going back but I’m not sure. There’s also someone else who’s the ideal man of God but doesn’t show any interest, my best friend says God told her he’s the one, but I’m not sure what to believe. Help.

There’s so much I want to share with you, sister. Let me start with this: the most important relationship in your life is your relationship with God. Everything should flow from that place.

When our hearts long for affection or affirmation, it’s easy to become entangled in emotions that cloud our judgment—especially if our spiritual boundaries are blurred. The enemy often uses emotional attachments to draw us away from God’s best. This is why Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Our hearts must first be anchored in God’s Word before they are entrusted to another. The more we prioritize our relationship with God and immerse ourselves in His Word, the better equipped we will be to guard our hearts and make decisions that reflect who we are as His image bearers.

+ My encouragement regarding the man not currently walking with God:

You mentioned that he’s not walking with the Lord right now but says he will "eventually." While that might sound hopeful, it's important to remember: it is not your responsibility to bring someone into right relationship with God—that's the work of the Holy Spirit (John 16:8).

Scripture says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). That doesn’t mean we don’t love people or pray for them, but it does mean we’re called to be wise about who we pursue lasting partnership with.

+ My encouragement regarding the man who follows Christ but hasn’t shown interest:

I am so glad to here there is someone in your life who is actively walking with the Lord. That in itself is a gift. But as you mentioned, he hasn’t shown clear signs of interest.

Sometimes we can become so eager to make something happen, especially when others claim they’ve “heard from God” about it. As well-meaning as your best friend may be, be cautious when others speak on God's behalf regarding your personal relationships. The Lord will not speak to others about your life without also confirming it to you (John 10:27 – “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.”)

+ Here are some heart-check questions I urge you to bring before the Lord:

What is my relationship with God like right now? Am I drawing near to Him through His Word daily?
Am I guarding my heart and honoring God with my body, mind, and emotions?
What fruit is being cultivated in my life—and in the lives of these men? (Matthew 7:16)
Am I more drawn to comfort, chemistry, or Christlikeness?
What kind of man do I want to raise a family with—someone whose walk matches his words, and whose faith is rooted in action?

+ Practical steps I want to encourage you with today:

Stay rooted in the Word. God never speaks contrary to Scripture. The more you know His Word, the more you’ll recognize His voice.
Create space for stillness. In a world full of noise, hearing from God often requires quiet. Practice stillness and enjoy the peace found in His presence. (Psalm 46:10 – “Be still and know that I am God.”).
Seek wise counsel. Not just anyone, but those mature in faith who will point you back to God’s Word, not just personal opinions (Proverbs 15:22).
Ask, wait, and trust. James 1:5 tells us that God gives wisdom generously when we ask—but waiting for His answer is often where our faith is tested and refined.

Don’t settle for someone who knows about God but isn’t living for Him. You are a daughter of the King, and He is not a God of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). Because God writes our story, you won’t have to manipulate, strive, or question your worth.

For now, continue to prioritize and pursue Jesus. The more you do, the clearer I believe your path, peace, and wisdom will become.

My partner is a Meth addict- he does not know our second born child due to relapse and being AWOL for the last 6 months. He recently reached out, claiming he's sober, I've ignored him. Will God's wrath fall upon me for choosing not to reconcile, or because my partner hasn't met his 2nd born child?

Hey, sister. Thank you so much for opening up about this and allowing me the opportunity to speak some encouragement into your heart and situation. While I am by no means an expert, I do think there are some things that are important to speak to here.

First, as I was reading your dilemmas, the question of “Where is the fruit?” landed on my heart. I am glad to hear he says he’s sober—but as you rightly asked: Where is the fruit? Matthew 7:16 tells us us, “You will recognize them by their fruits.” This means lasting change is revealed over time through consistent behavior, not just words. Reconciliation without repentance is not biblical reconciliation, and that’s what we should be seeking and praying for here.

I also want to add that boundaries are both biblical and important. You are not in sin for creating boundaries that protect your child—and yourself. Proverbs 4:23 urges us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Boundaries do not equate to carelessness or a lack of love. In fact, sometimes the most loving thing we can do is say "not right now" until true, lasting change is clear.

Now, let’s talk about forgiveness. Because the Lord calls us to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Forgiveness is something we give to surrender our hurt and bitterness and entrust justice to God. But forgiveness doesn’t always equate to entry. You can forgive from the heart and still say, “I’m not ready to welcome you back into this space yet.” Do not put off doing so simply because it is hard. If you are seeing evidential fruit, I would implore you to seek wise counsel about next steps for involving him in your child’s life. But trust and reconciliation must be rebuilt over time—and only if it is safe and wise to do so.

Does he deserve to know his child? In a perfect world, yes—every parent should know their child. But this is a broken world, and your child’s safety and emotional well-being must come first. If he is truly sober and desires to build a healthy, responsible relationship, this will will become evident in time.

And when/if that time comes, what that relationship looks like will honestly depend on many factors—sobriety, consistency, counseling, accountability, and how the Lord leads you as you seek Him through this. You are not wrong for waiting to see those things clearly.

Encouragement from God’s Word for your heart today:

God is not against you—He is for you. Romans 8:31
You can walk in both grace and boundaries. John 1:14 says Jesus came full of grace and truth—we are invited to do the same.
Your child is deeply loved by God, and He will provide for them, protect them, and father them—even in the gaps left by others. Psalm 68:5 calls Him “a father to the fatherless.”
You are not alone. The Lord walks with you as you make hard decisions. James 1:5 promises He gives wisdom generously to those who ask.

To sum it up, I think one of the most helpful things you can do for yourself right now is seek wise and godly counsel. You were never meant to carry this weight alone. Proverbs 11:14 reminds us, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Invite a trusted pastor, mentor, or godly friend into your decision-making process—someone who will pray with you, speak truth over you, and walk with you as you discern each step forward.

Intercourse with my husband is painful and has been since we got married. It’s been a huge source of discouragement for us, especially me. When I’ve tried talking to other women about it, I was told to just suck it up and endure the pain, because it is my duty to my husband. So I have been. I gave birth to my first child almost a year ago. I remember being told that after I gave birth intercourse would be easier, that it wouldn’t hurt so much. But here I am with just as much pain, if not more. I feel guilty and sinful not wanting to be intimate with my husband but it is stressful just thinking about the pain to come. I don’t know how to think about this or overcome it.

Oh friend I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s so hard to walk through something like this when we know part of the beautiful thing about the gift of marriage is the pleasure God intends for husband and wife to experience with one another.

It is bad advice that you've been given to just “endure it.” Sex was never meant to be a one-sided duty. So, in my opinion, I believe being told to endure it does not reflect the compassion or dignity that Scripture calls for in a Christ-centered marriage.

1 Corinthians 7 speaks of mutual giving—not force or obligation, but a loving partnership. God does not ask you to suffer in silence to fulfill a “role.” He cares for your heart, body, and soul. And so should your husband.

If you haven’t already done so, please consider seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist or an OB-GYN who specializes in sexual pain. These professionals are often the source of aid and relief women need but don’t know to pursue. Here’s how I know that…

I walked a similar road as a newlywed. Not only was I embarrassed that this was an issue but I was deeply confused as to why I had lasting pain that refused to go away. After six months of battling this and searching for answers on my own with no progress, I opted to find a trusted professional who could help me navigate finding an answer. I’m so glad I did this because I discovered I had a bladder condition that severely hindered my ability to experience intercourse pain-free. Once I figured this out and had it treated, things really changed for me. Nine years later, and the same remains true for me today. I pray this story gives you hope!

In case you are wondering what to do if you do these things and nothing changes. I wondered the same as I found the confidence to seek help, too.

And I just want to say, God does not withhold joy or intimacy from you out of cruelty. He draws near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and gives grace for the road that feels uncertain and unfair.

Also, please know this: What you are walking through does not make you any less of a wife. Your desire to honor your husband while also wrestling with your own pain is evidence of a soft and faithful heart, and I am so encouraged by it!

Keep inviting your husband into your pain, not away from it. A marriage that grows in tenderness through trial is more intimate than physical pleasure alone.
Continue seeking the Lord in lament. Lament is a holy form of worship. Pour your tears at His feet. He is not weary of your wrestling.
Find safe, godly community. I know this can be especially hard to do with such an intimate topic and the bad advice you have received to simply endure it, but your courage to continue sharing your story while seeking out the proper wise and godly counsel could also be an open door for many women who are suffering in similar ways to do the very same. Perhaps this begins with a Christian therapist?

In the context of marriage, sex is a gift. But it is not the measure of a successful marriage. Love, patience, humility, service, compassion—these are the fruits of a thriving, Christ-centered union, and they are available to both you and your husband, even in this hard place.

I am praying for healing as you hold onto hope!

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This is a safe space to ask the hard, honest, messy, and even awkward questions. No judgment. Just prayerful, Gospel-centered responses rooted in truth and love.

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